Boggled By Jimminy!

Crikey, I am boggled. 40 is this year... like 7 1/2 months away... that's too soon. Stop the earth I want to get off. I'm SO not ready. I'm no where yet near ready. This is like getting ready for a big party where the guests are arriving in 20 minutes and you haven't showered yet and are standing naked in your kitchen stirring lumpy gravy for the roast which is still medium rare and everyone likes it well done. This is not good.

I always had plans. I am a planner. An anal-retentive one at that. I always knew what I was going to do, when I was going to do it and how it was to be done. Then life got in the way. Illnesses were had early on, finances suffered to detriment, yadda yadda yadda and *poof* I  became an adult learner instead of an MFA at 25 and a PhD at 29 I was an MBA at 39. I never became a Psychologist or a Theologian or a Painter like my Dad. I never became the writer I always wanted to. Sure I still write, but have come to terms that I do it more for me than for anyone else.

I was sidelined as a corporate slave with a world of work and endless business travel instead of pleasure travel. Sure I was fortunate to bank those frequent flyer miles and hotel points for vacations and such but after a layoff, when can you really count on them and what benefit are they? I was able to make a dream happen at 25 when I backpacked the UK for 2 weeks  to meet a pen-friend I had written to for 12 years. That was fantastic and I still owe him a trip to visit him at his new home in New Zealand just as he owes me a trip here to the States. 

Am I ready to turn 40? Am I ready to say yes I am half way done with everything? Put the rest in a takeaway box for me to take home and finish another day after sitting forgotten in the back of my fridge? Not by a long shot Mister. I still have a wish list and it is ever growing just as I am ever growing. Will my needs tomorrow be the same needs as the ones I have today?Probably not. Will I be the same person tomorrow as I am today? Most definitely not. 

Growth is perpetual. Without growth we whither and die and that would most surely suck and since I am not ready to shuffle off the mortal coil I am willing to be dynamic and change and accept change into my life moving forward. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Bring it on big and bring it on now cause 40 is coming fast and she's coming hard so let's get this party started now. After all, the roast beef is already in the oven and the shower is running.