Too Early for Walmart?

So there I was awakened at 3:30 am by the pain in my hands and feet, staring at the ceiling in a contorted position. One big dog to my left, one big dog to my right so I figured what the hell, might as well get up and make some coffee right? No creamer in the house whatsoever. Major bummer. Plus its raining. Plus I must have tossed and turned a lot cause I look like Sid Vicious from the neck up, minus the makeup, at least from a hair perspective. But I have a cute hat and my Eeore PJs on and a jacket so I figure I can brave public scrutiny at 4 am. Fuck the public I say! I'm getting creamer!

To the jeep I go and head to the gas station, which doesn't carry any. Hmmm the grocery stores (Publix and Ingles) closest to me aren't open this early. Racetrack (other gas station one exit away) probably doesn't carry creamer either. I wonder if Waffle House would sell me some? Then it hit me! Walmart! The beacon to everyone needing items of necessity at all hours of the night!  They have to be open right? So I put the jeep in drive and head one exit north towards the mall area, which is more of a boulevard full of strip centers. I drive into the Walmart parking lot and its pretty much deserted, save for a few cars. Are they open? They don't look open. A guy who drove into the lot a minute before me heads to the door and goes in. They ARE open! I grab my keys and my wallet and dart toward the door, beelining towards the milk isle. Immediately upon seeing someone on their cellphone I am reminded of that site Peopleofwalmart.com where people upload photos of people dressed in really bizarre and/ or skanky clothing in the register lines at Walmart and I am reminded of my Eeore pj's, hat and Thai silk silver, yes, silver shoes. Hey they were closest to the garage. At least I have a coat on. I get to the dairy isle and there it is like a beacon from heaven. A super size, two 32oz bottle equivalent, half gallon, expiring in two months, coffee lovers version container of coffee creamer! Mission accomplished I am out of here!

I am on the way home anticipating the cup of coffee waiting for me when I get there, see I pre-planned (anal retentive) and turned on the coffee pot before I left the house anticipating a successful mission! So I get home and have to fidget with the garage door since its raining - the sensor sees the rain and doesn't want to close as it gets confused thinking there is a small child or animal in the way - stupid door. Finally get that over with and come inside. Coffee time!! (insert happy coffee dance of joy here!) So I get my splenda out and I get my newly acquisitioned creamer out of the bag and the muffins I bought as well and oh crap! WTF? I forgot to add the coffee beans when I made the coffee! Nothing in the pot but water!!! $%@@(@)#*^#%$%   Ha ha!!! MULLIGAN!!!! I get a do-over since its so early!

So I made Starbucks Christmas Blend, in the pantry for the last few years and never opened so its fresh fresh fresh! Tastes just fine since I just ground the beans in the pot before it brewed.