Home Is Where The Heart Is.

I wrote a blog. I wrote an entire blog about my trip to New York. I read it and deleted it. It spoke of a long drive, a hotel stay, pancakes and Facebooking while driving (...I know Leanne). I wrote it and it was pretty lengthy, but it didn't say what I wanted it to. It had no message. It said nothing... a lot of nothing.

Yes, I drove 16 hours home, alone. Yes I drove from Atlanta to New York to visit with great friends and to see old friends where the stretch of time between visits had been vast and too far between and since. And yes, I am craving and striving for a change of scenery in my life at 39 1/2 years old and am recognizing home as exactly what it is. and always was... Home.  But who wants to hear about which road I took at which intersection when and which place I ate lunch at in my hometown? Sure, if this was a travel blog, but it isn't.

The trip North was a 16 hour meditation, fueled by occasional pancakes, driven by fantastic music (thank you my music purveyor, you know who you are...) in a Northern direction. I took in the sights of the road as well as the sights of my past, embracing them as part of my here and now every step of the way. I drove with my eyes wide open, as if looking at everything for the first time or having never made the trip. And each step of the way once at my destination I relinquished control and gave into...

Pure happiness

Laughter

Unencumbered joy

Walking in the cold wind and the warm sun

Smiling from ear to ear until it hurt

Unconditional friendship

Giggling at all hours of the night

Speaking in funny accents for the hell of it

and Sleep Deprivation (voluntary and forced... thank you anonymous guest with sleep apnea)

I have not felt this full of vibrancy actually in years. I feel alive, younger and free to be myself while not being nervous at the risk taken by doing so. If you are not happy with who I am, who I truly am, well then move on, no more to see here ma'am/sir. I won't apologize for it now or ever and hopefully you will appreciate me more so for that. 

Even during the drive up, the closer I came to home the more awake I became, as if I had been asleep for years, penned in by others ideals, constricted boxes of expectations in familial roles. 

As Mother Nature does each season, I have stretched outwardly and welcomed in the positive energies and vibrations and positive influences around me. I can only hope to increase the exchange as time goes on. 

Home tends to bring out the best in people or the worst. This trip has most definitely been the continuing of the beginning of an awakening and has brought me to the threshold of a pivotal point in my life. I guess the rest will be TBD...