Too Early for Walmart?

So there I was awakened at 3:30 am by the pain in my hands and feet, staring at the ceiling in a contorted position. One big dog to my left, one big dog to my right so I figured what the hell, might as well get up and make some coffee right? No creamer in the house whatsoever. Major bummer. Plus its raining. Plus I must have tossed and turned a lot cause I look like Sid Vicious from the neck up, minus the makeup, at least from a hair perspective. But I have a cute hat and my Eeore PJs on and a jacket so I figure I can brave public scrutiny at 4 am. Fuck the public I say! I'm getting creamer!

To the jeep I go and head to the gas station, which doesn't carry any. Hmmm the grocery stores (Publix and Ingles) closest to me aren't open this early. Racetrack (other gas station one exit away) probably doesn't carry creamer either. I wonder if Waffle House would sell me some? Then it hit me! Walmart! The beacon to everyone needing items of necessity at all hours of the night!  They have to be open right? So I put the jeep in drive and head one exit north towards the mall area, which is more of a boulevard full of strip centers. I drive into the Walmart parking lot and its pretty much deserted, save for a few cars. Are they open? They don't look open. A guy who drove into the lot a minute before me heads to the door and goes in. They ARE open! I grab my keys and my wallet and dart toward the door, beelining towards the milk isle. Immediately upon seeing someone on their cellphone I am reminded of that site Peopleofwalmart.com where people upload photos of people dressed in really bizarre and/ or skanky clothing in the register lines at Walmart and I am reminded of my Eeore pj's, hat and Thai silk silver, yes, silver shoes. Hey they were closest to the garage. At least I have a coat on. I get to the dairy isle and there it is like a beacon from heaven. A super size, two 32oz bottle equivalent, half gallon, expiring in two months, coffee lovers version container of coffee creamer! Mission accomplished I am out of here!

I am on the way home anticipating the cup of coffee waiting for me when I get there, see I pre-planned (anal retentive) and turned on the coffee pot before I left the house anticipating a successful mission! So I get home and have to fidget with the garage door since its raining - the sensor sees the rain and doesn't want to close as it gets confused thinking there is a small child or animal in the way - stupid door. Finally get that over with and come inside. Coffee time!! (insert happy coffee dance of joy here!) So I get my splenda out and I get my newly acquisitioned creamer out of the bag and the muffins I bought as well and oh crap! WTF? I forgot to add the coffee beans when I made the coffee! Nothing in the pot but water!!! $%@@(@)#*^#%$%   Ha ha!!! MULLIGAN!!!! I get a do-over since its so early!

So I made Starbucks Christmas Blend, in the pantry for the last few years and never opened so its fresh fresh fresh! Tastes just fine since I just ground the beans in the pot before it brewed.

Boggled By Jimminy!

Crikey, I am boggled. 40 is this year... like 7 1/2 months away... that's too soon. Stop the earth I want to get off. I'm SO not ready. I'm no where yet near ready. This is like getting ready for a big party where the guests are arriving in 20 minutes and you haven't showered yet and are standing naked in your kitchen stirring lumpy gravy for the roast which is still medium rare and everyone likes it well done. This is not good.

I always had plans. I am a planner. An anal-retentive one at that. I always knew what I was going to do, when I was going to do it and how it was to be done. Then life got in the way. Illnesses were had early on, finances suffered to detriment, yadda yadda yadda and *poof* I  became an adult learner instead of an MFA at 25 and a PhD at 29 I was an MBA at 39. I never became a Psychologist or a Theologian or a Painter like my Dad. I never became the writer I always wanted to. Sure I still write, but have come to terms that I do it more for me than for anyone else.

I was sidelined as a corporate slave with a world of work and endless business travel instead of pleasure travel. Sure I was fortunate to bank those frequent flyer miles and hotel points for vacations and such but after a layoff, when can you really count on them and what benefit are they? I was able to make a dream happen at 25 when I backpacked the UK for 2 weeks  to meet a pen-friend I had written to for 12 years. That was fantastic and I still owe him a trip to visit him at his new home in New Zealand just as he owes me a trip here to the States. 

Am I ready to turn 40? Am I ready to say yes I am half way done with everything? Put the rest in a takeaway box for me to take home and finish another day after sitting forgotten in the back of my fridge? Not by a long shot Mister. I still have a wish list and it is ever growing just as I am ever growing. Will my needs tomorrow be the same needs as the ones I have today?Probably not. Will I be the same person tomorrow as I am today? Most definitely not. 

Growth is perpetual. Without growth we whither and die and that would most surely suck and since I am not ready to shuffle off the mortal coil I am willing to be dynamic and change and accept change into my life moving forward. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Bring it on big and bring it on now cause 40 is coming fast and she's coming hard so let's get this party started now. After all, the roast beef is already in the oven and the shower is running.