Too Early for Walmart?

So there I was awakened at 3:30 am by the pain in my hands and feet, staring at the ceiling in a contorted position. One big dog to my left, one big dog to my right so I figured what the hell, might as well get up and make some coffee right? No creamer in the house whatsoever. Major bummer. Plus its raining. Plus I must have tossed and turned a lot cause I look like Sid Vicious from the neck up, minus the makeup, at least from a hair perspective. But I have a cute hat and my Eeore PJs on and a jacket so I figure I can brave public scrutiny at 4 am. Fuck the public I say! I'm getting creamer!

To the jeep I go and head to the gas station, which doesn't carry any. Hmmm the grocery stores (Publix and Ingles) closest to me aren't open this early. Racetrack (other gas station one exit away) probably doesn't carry creamer either. I wonder if Waffle House would sell me some? Then it hit me! Walmart! The beacon to everyone needing items of necessity at all hours of the night!  They have to be open right? So I put the jeep in drive and head one exit north towards the mall area, which is more of a boulevard full of strip centers. I drive into the Walmart parking lot and its pretty much deserted, save for a few cars. Are they open? They don't look open. A guy who drove into the lot a minute before me heads to the door and goes in. They ARE open! I grab my keys and my wallet and dart toward the door, beelining towards the milk isle. Immediately upon seeing someone on their cellphone I am reminded of that site Peopleofwalmart.com where people upload photos of people dressed in really bizarre and/ or skanky clothing in the register lines at Walmart and I am reminded of my Eeore pj's, hat and Thai silk silver, yes, silver shoes. Hey they were closest to the garage. At least I have a coat on. I get to the dairy isle and there it is like a beacon from heaven. A super size, two 32oz bottle equivalent, half gallon, expiring in two months, coffee lovers version container of coffee creamer! Mission accomplished I am out of here!

I am on the way home anticipating the cup of coffee waiting for me when I get there, see I pre-planned (anal retentive) and turned on the coffee pot before I left the house anticipating a successful mission! So I get home and have to fidget with the garage door since its raining - the sensor sees the rain and doesn't want to close as it gets confused thinking there is a small child or animal in the way - stupid door. Finally get that over with and come inside. Coffee time!! (insert happy coffee dance of joy here!) So I get my splenda out and I get my newly acquisitioned creamer out of the bag and the muffins I bought as well and oh crap! WTF? I forgot to add the coffee beans when I made the coffee! Nothing in the pot but water!!! $%@@(@)#*^#%$%   Ha ha!!! MULLIGAN!!!! I get a do-over since its so early!

So I made Starbucks Christmas Blend, in the pantry for the last few years and never opened so its fresh fresh fresh! Tastes just fine since I just ground the beans in the pot before it brewed.

Boggled By Jimminy!

Crikey, I am boggled. 40 is this year... like 7 1/2 months away... that's too soon. Stop the earth I want to get off. I'm SO not ready. I'm no where yet near ready. This is like getting ready for a big party where the guests are arriving in 20 minutes and you haven't showered yet and are standing naked in your kitchen stirring lumpy gravy for the roast which is still medium rare and everyone likes it well done. This is not good.

I always had plans. I am a planner. An anal-retentive one at that. I always knew what I was going to do, when I was going to do it and how it was to be done. Then life got in the way. Illnesses were had early on, finances suffered to detriment, yadda yadda yadda and *poof* I  became an adult learner instead of an MFA at 25 and a PhD at 29 I was an MBA at 39. I never became a Psychologist or a Theologian or a Painter like my Dad. I never became the writer I always wanted to. Sure I still write, but have come to terms that I do it more for me than for anyone else.

I was sidelined as a corporate slave with a world of work and endless business travel instead of pleasure travel. Sure I was fortunate to bank those frequent flyer miles and hotel points for vacations and such but after a layoff, when can you really count on them and what benefit are they? I was able to make a dream happen at 25 when I backpacked the UK for 2 weeks  to meet a pen-friend I had written to for 12 years. That was fantastic and I still owe him a trip to visit him at his new home in New Zealand just as he owes me a trip here to the States. 

Am I ready to turn 40? Am I ready to say yes I am half way done with everything? Put the rest in a takeaway box for me to take home and finish another day after sitting forgotten in the back of my fridge? Not by a long shot Mister. I still have a wish list and it is ever growing just as I am ever growing. Will my needs tomorrow be the same needs as the ones I have today?Probably not. Will I be the same person tomorrow as I am today? Most definitely not. 

Growth is perpetual. Without growth we whither and die and that would most surely suck and since I am not ready to shuffle off the mortal coil I am willing to be dynamic and change and accept change into my life moving forward. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Bring it on big and bring it on now cause 40 is coming fast and she's coming hard so let's get this party started now. After all, the roast beef is already in the oven and the shower is running.

This year I am thankful for...

This year was a challenge, as all other years before it but in a lot of ways it was a success! Many new things were tried, many new experiences were um, experienced and many things done were deemed doable again! Other things not so much, but that's for another day :)


So let's break down the thankfulness by category for organizational purposes because we cannot organize enough around here!


1. I am thankful I can 'hang' with the 13 year old crowd and understand pop-culture references chatted about in their tongue. There is nothing like a an hour-plus long car ride with Lexxy listening to talk to her friends on her cell about how ambidextrous they are, what kind of hair straightener they have and when it was last used, who is selling the dress Bella wears in New Moon and who looks more like Bella, in New Moon of course. I am thankful I know who Bella is and am thankful it started Lexxy reading. I am however not so thankful for the sex scenes that we will need to discuss when the third and fourth books are cinematized in the next two years... gulp!


2. I am thankful for State Farm. I don't care what Allstate says, you are in good hands with State Farm. After my accident in February they were capital-A Awesome! From our agent to customer no-service, who actually provided service,  they rocked it out, putting me in a new vehicle in no-time. RIP my cute little Jaguar XJ8... you will be missed. (insert moment of silence followed by bagpipes here)


3. I am, as I am every year, thankful for seasonal beverages! This year it was Starbucks Peppermint Mocha and Silk's Soy-Nog. The PM was a great addition to my every, single, working morning and it will be missed when it goes away. The Soy-Nog was a nice addition to Christmas and wasn't as heavy and thick as regular eggnog, plus it was like getting a serving of veggies so twice the perks! Health benefits and a good drink, minus the rum brought back from Grand Cayman... yum-o!


4. I am oh ever so thankful for new music to fill my commute and weekends! As many of you know I am an avid listener and music has always been a huge part of my life. I have my old standards in Jazz and classic 80's that I love but new recommendations are always welcome. Here are some I tried and loved this year:


The Rescues
Gloriana
Lady Antebellum
Mary Fahl - former lead singer of October Project
Cat Power
Company of Thieves
The Distants
Johnny Klimek & Reinhold Heil - one song from a soundtrack that is killer
Kate Miller-Heidke
LaRoux - total 80's vibe!
Landon Pigg - Rufus Wainwright vibe
The Lovemakers - just love them!
Lucy Kaplansky
Madeleine Peyroux - Beautiful jazz
Paramore - Good for a rock out in the car
Tal & Acacia
Toby Lightman
30 Seconds To Mars - many albums out and much diverse music to love!


5. I am thankful that I know how to read, translate and adapt recipes to fit the needs of a changing family. With gluten and corn free being the new monicker in the Roberts family, each meal is customized to fit the medical needs of the Monkeygirl. Simple things from a bagel at breakfast to breading on chicken for dinner and what's in the soy sauce we are using. Each takes a second though, which leads me to number 6...


6. I am thankful to The App Store, which introduced me to The Gluten Free App! This makes shopping a breeze! I Cynthia also introduced me to the Gluten Free Alcohol webpage which is nice should I ever want to pry her with liquor on a girls night! ;)


7. I am thankful for specialty food shops such as Harry's, Fresh Market and Whole Foods, oh and can't forget Trader Joe's re: gluten free as well. I also like their meat free sections, but that's just the former vegetarian in me coming back out.


8. I am thankful for my family. It's been a year and a half, almost, since I lost my Dad and the family has gone through a really dramatic shift. I have a new Stepfather, nice guy, I mean he loves my Mom who now lives all the way over in Oregon so, I can't really say anything bad about him... but he's not my Dad. The closest to fit the bill and to come to my rescue when I needed a Dad figure this year was my Father in Law. He stepped up and was just there for me so he wins Jenn's New Dad of The Year Award for 2009! There will be no award issued for 2010 as the 2009 award is an automatic carryover indefinitely or until he resigns from post.


9. I am thankful for my friends old and new, near and far. Some of you have been here for the long haul and some of us have just met. I have a good track record and tend to keep my friends around for some time so hold on baby, this will be a long flight :)


10. I am thankful to QVC for making my holiday shopping a little easier this year. Ok. There. I said it. Yes, I flex-pay! When I got a job after being out of work for a few months money was tight and it was the best way to get my family a little something by paying a little something. I do admit I have a problem in that I consider the In the Kitchen with David segment an actual Show on Sundays that I watch from noon to 2pm Eastern. Yeah, I have issues. Now if I can figure out a way to fanagle that KitchenAid 6.0Qt Pro Stand Mixer... I covet it with passion... in Caviar or Willow Blue please.


My oath to my readers: I promise in 2010 to be better at blogging. I admit in 2009 I floundered with not being sure what to write and it seemed in some ways to be somewhat self serving. This year I will share more of me and ask that you do the same! Let me know what you like and what you don't and the blog will be dynamic in nature! Some of you know you can call me on my cell, the ones who don't now do, heck my cell is listed on Facebook. So feel free to share, sharing is good! 


Happy New Year to All~ I will be spending it at the Georgia Dome watching the University of Tennessee Volunteers fight the Virginia Tech Hokies (WTF??) in the Chic-Fil-A (former Peach) Bowl. 


10...9...8...7...6...5...

Merry Christmas Dad...

So many people this time of year send newsletters out to their family and friends and I thought I would write one to just one person, my Dad.

Dear Dad,

This is your second year away from us and we miss you each and every day, especially at the holidays. It seems like every since you went away the family has kind of gone its separate ways, with Mom in one corner of the country and me in another. We still talk all the time and visit when we can but there is always an empty spot where you should be. A lot has happened over the last year and in case you missed any of it watching down on us I figured I would give you the cliff notes version.

Your favorite dog Milo is now into high fashion and wears sweaters. He was always cold and ever since Christy came to visit a year ago October and we got him a sweater he has been addicted to them! He now has a collection and even Mom is sending him new ones, including snazzy ones for the holidays! Even hoodies! Although he doesn't like the hoodies very much and gets really pissy when his ears are covered. It's really funny. He spends most of his spare time when he's not bossing the bigger dogs around sitting on me or Adam or Lexxy and sleeping. We still call him Stinky and he still sleeps on my head at night.
It was a hard year this year Dad where I was unemployed for a while but we got through it. I learned what I need to live by and what's truly important. I feel lucky to have found a new job so quickly while others in the country are still looking after being unemployed for months and even years at this point. I will make it through, I always do :)

We didn't really travel anywhere or have any good stories to tell of adventure but I do have wonderful stories to tell of reconnections with old friends near and far with whom I am blessed to have back in my life after many years absense. You know the old saying about new friends being silver and old friends being gold, well these friends are definitely 100% pure and remind me of what true friendships and acceptance are all about.

This year I turn the big 4-0 Dad... ugh! The clock is ticking and I feel under pressure to finish things I have on my list of ambitions. Things I should have completed in my twenties. I guess we always have time, but as we all know, you never know when your chances will suddenly run out and I don't want to leave anything unfinished in this lifetime when I leave it so many years from now, G-d willing.

Mom is happy and healthy and living a quiet life out in Oregon. She and Tom seem to love being retired together and do a heck of a lot of gardening. He is teaching her how to play golf and occasionally she cuts his hair. She hopes to get to Atlanta for a visit in January, depending on the weather and such. Tom is a nice man. He loves her and that's what's important. Personally, he's not you and he never will be but I am learning to accept him as her spouse, slowly but surely. You will always be my Dad though, that will never change.

For Christmas my one wish would be to have a great dream where you and I would have a good sit down conversation face to face. I could live off of that for months :)

I miss you Dad and wish I could just ring you up. Merry Christmas Dad. I love you

Thankful...

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and I am prepping food for tomorrow's gathering of our little family. In a year that was as hard as this last year, one could potentially ask themselves what there is to be thankful for. Each of us has shining stars in our lives and at the darkest of times these things shine brighter. Whether it be family, friends, safety, health. Sometimes we take for granted that we have been blessed and look towards belongings and money as the things that truly bless us. Being unemployed in an unforgiving economy and losing what savings was saved puts things in perspective once solid ground is once again gained.

I often think back, when I am having a bad day, to more care free times and cherish that I experienced them. When a job was 5 hours a night at a community movie theatre and between selling tickets time was shared in conversation with friends who were co-workers. When minimum wage increasing to $4 an hour was something to get really excited about, a credit card with a $500 limit was huge and dinner was a small chicken fried rice from the take-away chinese restaurant two doors down in the same plaza. When you went home at the end of the day and saw your parents, who you still lived with. Back then you never think to the time when they will be gone and once that time comes and you find yourself a little more alone in the world you wish you could go back and appreciate those moments more. Parents who may have been strict to some degree but always seemed to cut you slack when you needed it. Parents who were right there and not across the country, so far away. When people in your life lived for you to get out of work so your evening could begin at the coffee house at 11pm. When you slept only a few hours a night in order to fit it all in.

Today we all tend to get so caught up in the 'I need to do's' and the 'I really wish's' and the 'wouldn't it be easier's' that we lose perspective of what needs really are. You need your family, some sort of roof over your head and food on the table. The next improved iPod or sweetest looking handbag or new-fangled camera aren't things that will end our existence if we live without them. Yeah, they are great and when I was at my job that ended a year ago, of which I was employed for almost ten years I never thought twice about dropping some coin and I admit that I lived more on 'wants' than 'needs', taking for granted that the needs would always be taken care of and that the wants would always be satisfied. Why wouldn't they? It has always been this way... until this year.

It's been a hard year, hell it's been a hard year and a half since losing Dad. But jobs come and they go. It's the people in your lives and the places you have seen and the things you have experienced that make you the strongest you will be and give you hope. Sure, I would give my right arm to go to Burberry tomorrow and get a new bag... it's the 'handbag whore' in me, but it's not what defines me. It's not what I am thankful for.

This year I am thankful not only for all of the wonderful friends and family and co-workers in my life, but I am also extremely thankful that I can pay my house note on time every month and that we are still in the utility companies good graces after my job loss. I am thankful a small international company took a chance on me, my (finally finished) education and experience in my new career in a totally new industry for me.

I am thankful for the beautiful 13 year old in my life who still tells me she loves me in public and who Facebook's me when she is online. I am thankful for the woman she is becoming and am thankful that she and I can spend all day hanging out without her being bored. I am thankful she always knows what she will be ordering at Starbucks and that she appreciates a mani/pedi once in a while when we want to go out and feel all girly. I am also SO very thankful she has learned to love to read. Something we often do together while waiting for Adam to come home from work on Saturday afternoons. I am thankful she is loving and strong and has faith and confidence in herself. I am especially thankful and grateful that I have gotten to spend the past 10 years of her life with her.

I am thankful for all the paws that run across my floors all day and for the snuggly noses at night. Who needs blankets with 6 dogs on the bed I ask??

I am thankful for my husband who is strong when I am not and that we balance each other out. We promised each other long ago to never have the crazies at the same time and so far, 12 years later, it's worked. I am thankful that he is dedicated to his family and will move mountains for them, that he is a fantastic Father and that he says he loves me more with each passing day.

I am thankful for having grown up with my Dad, whom I miss every day. I am also thankful he painted a lot and that his works are in my home, which in its own way is like visiting with him each day.

I am thankful for my Mom, even though she lives in Oregon now and I am not allowed to call her before noon Atlanta time.

I am, like Topol, thankful the sun always rises after it has set, albeit hours later. I am also lately very thankful for Swedish Fish and my Gluten Free iPhone app, but that's probably another story.

So it is with this that I give thanks for the year while remembering that Thanksgiving should be every day throughout the year. For I am thankful then as I am now. Happy Thanksgiving friends!

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Journey through these eyes of mine

While sipping on a cup of time

Once a girl I now grow old

So now my story must be told

A warrior of days gone past

I knew those days weren’t meant to last

A waged war of thoughts and words

A lifetime to look forward towards

I held that banner oh so high

From morning light

Through midnight sky

Relishing freedom still challenged by some

I feel my battle is yet to be won

This strength and passion will never die

So I pass to you this cup of mine

White Horse Run

Sitting upon a desolate shell

Within the spiral all life does dwell

Slumbering naked on the white horse shore

Reliving night passions there forever more

Running in the waves in circles round

Sand dunes shifting onto broken ground

Sun beating down as it conquers new heights

Moon dancing on waves in the deep still of night

Arise sweet breath through the mist and the wave

Putting sand in a bottle for this moment to save

No surf matching grace as no thrill is the same

As catching and holding onto the white horses mane


White Horse Run