Thankful...

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and I am prepping food for tomorrow's gathering of our little family. In a year that was as hard as this last year, one could potentially ask themselves what there is to be thankful for. Each of us has shining stars in our lives and at the darkest of times these things shine brighter. Whether it be family, friends, safety, health. Sometimes we take for granted that we have been blessed and look towards belongings and money as the things that truly bless us. Being unemployed in an unforgiving economy and losing what savings was saved puts things in perspective once solid ground is once again gained.

I often think back, when I am having a bad day, to more care free times and cherish that I experienced them. When a job was 5 hours a night at a community movie theatre and between selling tickets time was shared in conversation with friends who were co-workers. When minimum wage increasing to $4 an hour was something to get really excited about, a credit card with a $500 limit was huge and dinner was a small chicken fried rice from the take-away chinese restaurant two doors down in the same plaza. When you went home at the end of the day and saw your parents, who you still lived with. Back then you never think to the time when they will be gone and once that time comes and you find yourself a little more alone in the world you wish you could go back and appreciate those moments more. Parents who may have been strict to some degree but always seemed to cut you slack when you needed it. Parents who were right there and not across the country, so far away. When people in your life lived for you to get out of work so your evening could begin at the coffee house at 11pm. When you slept only a few hours a night in order to fit it all in.

Today we all tend to get so caught up in the 'I need to do's' and the 'I really wish's' and the 'wouldn't it be easier's' that we lose perspective of what needs really are. You need your family, some sort of roof over your head and food on the table. The next improved iPod or sweetest looking handbag or new-fangled camera aren't things that will end our existence if we live without them. Yeah, they are great and when I was at my job that ended a year ago, of which I was employed for almost ten years I never thought twice about dropping some coin and I admit that I lived more on 'wants' than 'needs', taking for granted that the needs would always be taken care of and that the wants would always be satisfied. Why wouldn't they? It has always been this way... until this year.

It's been a hard year, hell it's been a hard year and a half since losing Dad. But jobs come and they go. It's the people in your lives and the places you have seen and the things you have experienced that make you the strongest you will be and give you hope. Sure, I would give my right arm to go to Burberry tomorrow and get a new bag... it's the 'handbag whore' in me, but it's not what defines me. It's not what I am thankful for.

This year I am thankful not only for all of the wonderful friends and family and co-workers in my life, but I am also extremely thankful that I can pay my house note on time every month and that we are still in the utility companies good graces after my job loss. I am thankful a small international company took a chance on me, my (finally finished) education and experience in my new career in a totally new industry for me.

I am thankful for the beautiful 13 year old in my life who still tells me she loves me in public and who Facebook's me when she is online. I am thankful for the woman she is becoming and am thankful that she and I can spend all day hanging out without her being bored. I am thankful she always knows what she will be ordering at Starbucks and that she appreciates a mani/pedi once in a while when we want to go out and feel all girly. I am also SO very thankful she has learned to love to read. Something we often do together while waiting for Adam to come home from work on Saturday afternoons. I am thankful she is loving and strong and has faith and confidence in herself. I am especially thankful and grateful that I have gotten to spend the past 10 years of her life with her.

I am thankful for all the paws that run across my floors all day and for the snuggly noses at night. Who needs blankets with 6 dogs on the bed I ask??

I am thankful for my husband who is strong when I am not and that we balance each other out. We promised each other long ago to never have the crazies at the same time and so far, 12 years later, it's worked. I am thankful that he is dedicated to his family and will move mountains for them, that he is a fantastic Father and that he says he loves me more with each passing day.

I am thankful for having grown up with my Dad, whom I miss every day. I am also thankful he painted a lot and that his works are in my home, which in its own way is like visiting with him each day.

I am thankful for my Mom, even though she lives in Oregon now and I am not allowed to call her before noon Atlanta time.

I am, like Topol, thankful the sun always rises after it has set, albeit hours later. I am also lately very thankful for Swedish Fish and my Gluten Free iPhone app, but that's probably another story.

So it is with this that I give thanks for the year while remembering that Thanksgiving should be every day throughout the year. For I am thankful then as I am now. Happy Thanksgiving friends!

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Journey through these eyes of mine

While sipping on a cup of time

Once a girl I now grow old

So now my story must be told

A warrior of days gone past

I knew those days weren’t meant to last

A waged war of thoughts and words

A lifetime to look forward towards

I held that banner oh so high

From morning light

Through midnight sky

Relishing freedom still challenged by some

I feel my battle is yet to be won

This strength and passion will never die

So I pass to you this cup of mine

White Horse Run

Sitting upon a desolate shell

Within the spiral all life does dwell

Slumbering naked on the white horse shore

Reliving night passions there forever more

Running in the waves in circles round

Sand dunes shifting onto broken ground

Sun beating down as it conquers new heights

Moon dancing on waves in the deep still of night

Arise sweet breath through the mist and the wave

Putting sand in a bottle for this moment to save

No surf matching grace as no thrill is the same

As catching and holding onto the white horses mane


White Horse Run

Family...

Last weekend Adam's family, my Mom and Tom, Lexxy, Cynthia, Leah, Carter and Adrienne all converged on our home for Adam's 40th birthday party. It was the first time everyone had gotten together here in Atlanta since our wedding 11 years ago.

Brothers and Sisters, Mothers and Fathers, Nieces, Nephews and Grand Nieces and Grand Nephews all gathered for dinner Friday night at Maggianos where we ate family style and enjoyed good company. Saturday followed with the University of Tennessee game at 12:30 at our house followed by the cookout which started around 6pm. I spent most of the day in the kitchen and visting and now this weekend is bookmarked for relaxing in a quiet house with the dogs while Adam works.

My husband is the baby in his family, the youngest of five. He spent his childhood with his brothers and sister spending weekends camping and fishing and just spending quality time together. I am an only child and see what a gift he was given having been born into a large family. From day #1 they made me feel at home and welcome into their homes. The sweetest people you will ever meet have the last name of Roberts and are from Memphis, TN, originally. Now the family is spread around  the South/East and Mid West. A brother and his family in St Louis, Sister and her family in Nashville, and in Memphis, his other brother and his family, his parents and countless other relatives.

The weekend was bittersweet however as it marked the 2 years anniversary of the death of Adam's brother Richie from cancer. His oldest son, his wife and kids came to Atlanta to share in Adam's day. We had great fun together watching the game and watching and listening to his kids. Such a sweet little family. Richie and Adam were very close and it was over a year and a half since Richie's death that Adam could bring himself to go home to Memphis. We spent so much of our time there over Richie's house just hanging out and eating dinner with him and his wife Esther and the boys as they were growing up. I guess at some point you have to face your demons and gather your strength to go where you can't bring yourself to go for the sake of others.

We are truly blessed to be part of such a good family. Next year for my 40th we are going away ;)

Insomnia... chapter 1

It's 4:30 on a Thursday morning and I am awake... not half asleep. Totally and utterly awake. The dogs are now up and the coffee is on. The house is quiet. I think I woke up Adam. No idea why I am up this early, just am. It's interesting being awake before everyone else I know, especially this weekend. This is the most quiet I will get until Tuesday night.

Tonight the flood of family starts coming in for Adam's 40th birthday party this Saturday. First my Mom & Tom, followed by Adam's folks. Brothers and sisters and their children will follow shortly thereafter and Saturday is scheduled for a cookout at our house. It should be a lot of fun! The Univ of TN game starts at 12:30 Saturday afternoon and good friends are coming to watch it before the BBQ. Can you really call a cookout a BBQ if there are no ribs being cooked and nothing being smoked? Burgers and gluten free dogs are on the menu along with my famous (not really) potato salad, beer, drinks and birthday cake slated to celebrate Adam's 40th and my new Step-Dad's 70th.

It's always great to have family in town and this will be the first time everyone has come in together since our wedding 11 years ago. We are even boarding three of our craziest dogs so the house is a bit less hectic. The only family we have in GA is Cynthia, Lexxy's Mom and her Mom Adrienne, Carter (Lexxy's Step-Dad) and Leah her little Sister. We all have so much fun when we get together! It's great when out of town guests come to visit and it's great when they go so our home can return to normal. I am already cherishing next weekend when I will be able to lounge on the love seat and take naps as necessary.

The cleaners are coming today and I have organized my tupperware drawer in the hopes that my Mom won't feel the need to reorganize my cabinets. However I have neglected my pot & pan cabinet so I am assuming by Saturday afternoon it will be organized and everything will be in its place gratis of Mom. I guess I am not the only one looking for things to do when family arrives... Adam is now up (5am) and is doing laundry to free the bed in the guest room for Lexxy this weekend.

Part of what I like about getting up early is drinking my coffee, smoking a cig and watching the Today Show, however it's not on this early and in fact I see no other lights on in the subdivision, except ours. The traffic reporters are already reporting Atlanta commute traffic on TV and the dogs have all congregated in the living room for some reason... I hope our getting up this early doesn't perpetuate a cycle of them getting up at 4 tomorrow morning... Good Lord I need to sleep decently one of these days!

Three coffees in...

Three coffees into my day on a Friday at 7:30. Been in my new job for 7 days and it rocks! My enthusiasm has nothing to do with my caffeine high, albeit I feel mighty energetic and Super Man invincible right about now. Cliff at the office told me I should crash hard around 9pm... I will be sure to be on the loveseat all stretched out so I can pensively wait for my downfall.

The office I work at is FABULOUS! Everyone is lovely and nice and so welcoming. One girl told me when we met today that she has heard a lot about me and that someone else told her it was like I had been there forever. So far this is a temp to permanent gig but the VP of Sales told me at dinner the other night that he hopes to have the discussion soon about my being brought on full time. WOOHOO!

I have learned a lot over the last 7 work days - about a new industry, new software platforms, rules and regulations. I have also learned that on Sundays my stomach isn't turning over from stress thinking about going to work Monday morning as it was with my last position. Yeah, if they don't bring me on permanent I will be all sorts of broken hearted. The people and the atmosphere make up for the drop in salary but the perks outweigh that in a big way.

I feel like cleaning the house naked! It's been a great week, minus the fact that Patrick Swayze died. The things/myths Dirty Dancing taught me were as follows:

1. Your first time will make you glow and smile the next morning like the act lasted more than 20 minutes.

2. The more dance lessons you have the skimpier your outfits get.

3. Not everyone falls for the Cheetah.

4. Even the odd looking girls with a good heart can get the guy in the end.

5. Older sisters with complexes can drain you. If they are tone deaf it makes things worse but more laughable.

6. Kellerman's was a sun friendly environment but Lord help you if you needed an activity on a rainy day, thus, sex with Johnny Castle.

7. It's never a good idea to hide things from your parents.

8. The good guys should always come out on top and the scumbags should always have their charity donations to Yale torn up in front of their faces.

Dirty Dancing was an interesting movie for me - Our Senior High School Ball theme was 'I had the time of my life', the abortion Dr in the movie was stopping in New Paltz - where I grew up, and my maiden name was Gray, Jennifer Gray. I caught a lot of shit for that in the years after the movie came out and when people asked me on the phone at the office if I was the same Jennifer Grey I said yes but that I was told to keep my day job.

Speaking of Jennifer Grey, I also learned the valuable lesson that your nose job can ruin your career. So love your nose, embrace the bigness that you have on your face and appreciate the DNA and genetics that added to your facial features. Even if you look like Toucan Sam, it's part of who you are and what people recognize about you... It's as plain as the nose on your face.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner....

Labor Day weekend with a few thousand of our new best friends!

As usual with all holiday weekends, Adam had to work. This year was a bit different as he got to lead mascots around the Atlanta Motor Speedway for NASCAR weekend on Saturday. He had a great time and got some sun while I played with the dogs at home and relaxed knowing I start my new job this coming Thursday, giving myself a well deserved break from Careerbuilder.com. We had tickets to the Nationwide Series race Saturday night and at the end of his shift, the NASCAR Gods smiled upon him a shining light and handed over two tickets to the Sunday night Sprint Cup Series race! Given the choice we opted for the Sunday night race since we don't really follow the Nationwide Series.

Now, after working from home since July and being unemployed the last two weeks, joined at the hip with my MAC job hunting, the possibility of getting out of the freaking house was awesome! I watched the races on TV since joining a NASCAR pool at the office years ago, more so to make it look like I knew what I was talking about, but  I had never been to a live race. Adam brought home t-shirts from his Saturday shift at the track and the golden tickets and we were excited beyond belief for Sunday night - the first night race in Atlanta.

We left the house at 3:30 pm and got stuck in track traffic. Once we got there we wandered around the midway, watched some pre-race shows, bought me a hat and ticket holders you wear around your neck, cause you never know when you will need those in the future, and then made our way to our seats. The seats were BEAUTIFUL! I swear I heard angels singing as we found our seats by the entrance to pit road up in row 40, meaning we were high enough to see the entire track.

Now, I have never been into sports like Adam is. My Mother-In-Law is a huge sports fan and Adam grew up in that household. I grew up in an artsy household where what you made, made you what you are and final projects for art class were framed and hung along side my Dads artwork in the house. Having entered the NASCAR watching frame of mind 8 years or so ago, I latched on to one specific driver and have been a fan ever since - Dale Earnhardt Junior. No specific reason, I just latched on with the force of a famished baby nursing and never let go. I even bought a Junior Nation baseball cap at the track and was wearing it proudly. Adam got jealous of my newly acquired hat so we made our way back to the midway before being seated in the stands and he got the same one in another color so we could keep them identified as our own. Good Lord, you don't want to mix up your fan hats - at my suggestion.

The race started. The stands shook from the vibration of the engines as they revved up at the starting line. They went fast, faster and even faster. It amazed me that they were going 200 mph. Hell, I go 10 miles over the speed limit and I get a ticket... the boys were flying! Junior gained spot after spot after spot and kept on coming.

Then there were hotdogs and funnel cake. What's a day out at a race or a fair without this fare I ask you? It was a fun time guessing what concessions were going to make their way up into the stands. Burgers? Chicken? Beer? Oh lots and lots of beer. People had their own stash in the coolers they let into the stands. There was every make and model of beer and the koozies to go along with them. Attire was interesting as well. from fan t-shirts and shorts to outfits you would only see on people who were trapped in the mountains for a few weeks. The woman in front of me, who I neglected to get a picture of, was wearing a shirt that said, and I quote: 'If I gave a crap, I would give it to you'. Thanks for the visual you obvious fan of Pricilla, Queen of the Desert, now go finish your PBR and your Lucky Strike smokes and sit the heck down so I can see the track :)

So after Adam enjoyed a few alcoholic beverages (hmmm Budweiser, maybe he is nursing a crush for Kasey Kahne?) I volunteered to drive us home as we made our way to the car - leaving early as to avoid a 3 hour parking lot vigil. We listened to the race on the radio as we made our way home and watched the last few laps on TV once we got home. 'You let the dogs out and I will turn on the TV' Adam said. Good plan! We settled in and watched the race end and the wrap up commentary.

It was a really fun night with a few thousand of our new best friends, some of which I would hose down before they entered my home, but nice people nonetheless. March race anyone?