Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Braker braker number 9, who's that calling 'cross the line?
I break things. I always have. I never knew how to protect the things I cherish most. I have clumsy hands. Usually i get in my own way. I trip over my own feet. As one of my favorite authors says, I'm an 'Idiot Girl'. So give me something fragile, something that requires care and love and rest assured i will somehow unintentionally break it. It will happen. Its unavoidable. It's what I do. I am a breaker of things
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Home Is Where The Heart Is.
I wrote a blog. I wrote an entire blog about my trip to New York. I read it and deleted it. It spoke of a long drive, a hotel stay, pancakes and Facebooking while driving (...I know Leanne). I wrote it and it was pretty lengthy, but it didn't say what I wanted it to. It had no message. It said nothing... a lot of nothing.
Yes, I drove 16 hours home, alone. Yes I drove from Atlanta to New York to visit with great friends and to see old friends where the stretch of time between visits had been vast and too far between and since. And yes, I am craving and striving for a change of scenery in my life at 39 1/2 years old and am recognizing home as exactly what it is. and always was... Home. But who wants to hear about which road I took at which intersection when and which place I ate lunch at in my hometown? Sure, if this was a travel blog, but it isn't.
The trip North was a 16 hour meditation, fueled by occasional pancakes, driven by fantastic music (thank you my music purveyor, you know who you are...) in a Northern direction. I took in the sights of the road as well as the sights of my past, embracing them as part of my here and now every step of the way. I drove with my eyes wide open, as if looking at everything for the first time or having never made the trip. And each step of the way once at my destination I relinquished control and gave into...
Pure happiness
Laughter
Unencumbered joy
Walking in the cold wind and the warm sun
Smiling from ear to ear until it hurt
Unconditional friendship
Giggling at all hours of the night
Speaking in funny accents for the hell of it
and Sleep Deprivation (voluntary and forced... thank you anonymous guest with sleep apnea)
I have not felt this full of vibrancy actually in years. I feel alive, younger and free to be myself while not being nervous at the risk taken by doing so. If you are not happy with who I am, who I truly am, well then move on, no more to see here ma'am/sir. I won't apologize for it now or ever and hopefully you will appreciate me more so for that.
Even during the drive up, the closer I came to home the more awake I became, as if I had been asleep for years, penned in by others ideals, constricted boxes of expectations in familial roles.
As Mother Nature does each season, I have stretched outwardly and welcomed in the positive energies and vibrations and positive influences around me. I can only hope to increase the exchange as time goes on.
Home tends to bring out the best in people or the worst. This trip has most definitely been the continuing of the beginning of an awakening and has brought me to the threshold of a pivotal point in my life. I guess the rest will be TBD...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Retribution for a Life Abused
For the past 39 1/2 years I have taken for granted everything given me. Everything. Family, jobs, financial security, a roof over my head and food on the table, even my own health. A month ago the latter of the preceding started to rapidly unravel and steadfastly so. Today I can barely type this and have to backspace to correct myself every second or third letter in order to for my readers to be able to read my posting and understand my entry. Otherwise, left unedited my entry looks like garbled nonsense. I have lost muscle memory in my hands, have developed severe rapid onset neuropathy in my hands and feet, loss of short term memory, stuttering over my words, muscle weakness and spasms in my extremities, a hard time swallowing and shakiness as well as blurry vision even with my glasses on and exhaustion. On top of all of this I was laid off. Yes ladies and gentlemen, while my body was falling apart I was still working, and was even taking shit for taking an hour off every other week for Dr appointments while working through lunches more often than not, and then to put the cherry on the cake I got laid off with no notice along with 10 or so other people.
The Doctors have ruled out the normal culprets, diabetes and B12 anemia from which I am fully recovered since my symptoms have increased while my B12 saturation has also increased, numbers over 2,000 now. Today is the start of my testing to be followed by my meeting one of my two neurologists. I don't know what to expect, especially since I will be facing a lot of it alone as Adam has to work, we can't risk both of us out of work. At least he will be able to be at the first appointments with each Neurologist to meet them so I can see who he likes best and at least we will have my unemployment until we hopefully have a diagnosis. In the meantime it's musical medications while we figure out what works (Neurtontin at half doses (300mg) every 6 hours seems to be the trick without knocking me out completely) and what doesn't (Lyrica doesn't come close to touching the radiating pain I feel in my hands or feet so I don't even bother taking it).
So is this some sort of retribution for how I have lived my life? Is it my body paying me for my state of mind? Am I a bad person deserving my body for paying me back for some bad deeds done in this life or another? Or am I just caught up in some pattern of fatalistic thinking? Could this be avoided or is this hereditary like my Dads Spinal Stenosis of which many of my symptoms match? Only tests, lots of tests and time will tell. I'm sure we won't have answers right away, if we did I would be wary of them and would be speculative and would turn to my second opinion Neuro for his ideas. Yeah, I already have him lined up for the day after my Dr referred Neuro appt. No time like now to get a second Doctor engaged I say.
In the meantime, relaxation and getting rid of bad habits and addictions have been recommendations from friends near and far. I quit cigarettes a month ago so if I could get rid of my attachments to food (emotional eater) and my self esteem attachment to what I do for a living that would be a step in the right direction.
Today, Spinal MRI #1 focusing on the lumbar region of the spine for symptoms surrounding the feet and legs. Wish me luck... well, I guess all I really need to do is lay still... anyone have tape for my arms and hands? :)
The Doctors have ruled out the normal culprets, diabetes and B12 anemia from which I am fully recovered since my symptoms have increased while my B12 saturation has also increased, numbers over 2,000 now. Today is the start of my testing to be followed by my meeting one of my two neurologists. I don't know what to expect, especially since I will be facing a lot of it alone as Adam has to work, we can't risk both of us out of work. At least he will be able to be at the first appointments with each Neurologist to meet them so I can see who he likes best and at least we will have my unemployment until we hopefully have a diagnosis. In the meantime it's musical medications while we figure out what works (Neurtontin at half doses (300mg) every 6 hours seems to be the trick without knocking me out completely) and what doesn't (Lyrica doesn't come close to touching the radiating pain I feel in my hands or feet so I don't even bother taking it).
So is this some sort of retribution for how I have lived my life? Is it my body paying me for my state of mind? Am I a bad person deserving my body for paying me back for some bad deeds done in this life or another? Or am I just caught up in some pattern of fatalistic thinking? Could this be avoided or is this hereditary like my Dads Spinal Stenosis of which many of my symptoms match? Only tests, lots of tests and time will tell. I'm sure we won't have answers right away, if we did I would be wary of them and would be speculative and would turn to my second opinion Neuro for his ideas. Yeah, I already have him lined up for the day after my Dr referred Neuro appt. No time like now to get a second Doctor engaged I say.
In the meantime, relaxation and getting rid of bad habits and addictions have been recommendations from friends near and far. I quit cigarettes a month ago so if I could get rid of my attachments to food (emotional eater) and my self esteem attachment to what I do for a living that would be a step in the right direction.
Today, Spinal MRI #1 focusing on the lumbar region of the spine for symptoms surrounding the feet and legs. Wish me luck... well, I guess all I really need to do is lay still... anyone have tape for my arms and hands? :)
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Too Early for Walmart?
So there I was awakened at 3:30 am by the pain in my hands and feet, staring at the ceiling in a contorted position. One big dog to my left, one big dog to my right so I figured what the hell, might as well get up and make some coffee right? No creamer in the house whatsoever. Major bummer. Plus its raining. Plus I must have tossed and turned a lot cause I look like Sid Vicious from the neck up, minus the makeup, at least from a hair perspective. But I have a cute hat and my Eeore PJs on and a jacket so I figure I can brave public scrutiny at 4 am. Fuck the public I say! I'm getting creamer!
To the jeep I go and head to the gas station, which doesn't carry any. Hmmm the grocery stores (Publix and Ingles) closest to me aren't open this early. Racetrack (other gas station one exit away) probably doesn't carry creamer either. I wonder if Waffle House would sell me some? Then it hit me! Walmart! The beacon to everyone needing items of necessity at all hours of the night! They have to be open right? So I put the jeep in drive and head one exit north towards the mall area, which is more of a boulevard full of strip centers. I drive into the Walmart parking lot and its pretty much deserted, save for a few cars. Are they open? They don't look open. A guy who drove into the lot a minute before me heads to the door and goes in. They ARE open! I grab my keys and my wallet and dart toward the door, beelining towards the milk isle. Immediately upon seeing someone on their cellphone I am reminded of that site Peopleofwalmart.com where people upload photos of people dressed in really bizarre and/ or skanky clothing in the register lines at Walmart and I am reminded of my Eeore pj's, hat and Thai silk silver, yes, silver shoes. Hey they were closest to the garage. At least I have a coat on. I get to the dairy isle and there it is like a beacon from heaven. A super size, two 32oz bottle equivalent, half gallon, expiring in two months, coffee lovers version container of coffee creamer! Mission accomplished I am out of here!
I am on the way home anticipating the cup of coffee waiting for me when I get there, see I pre-planned (anal retentive) and turned on the coffee pot before I left the house anticipating a successful mission! So I get home and have to fidget with the garage door since its raining - the sensor sees the rain and doesn't want to close as it gets confused thinking there is a small child or animal in the way - stupid door. Finally get that over with and come inside. Coffee time!! (insert happy coffee dance of joy here!) So I get my splenda out and I get my newly acquisitioned creamer out of the bag and the muffins I bought as well and oh crap! WTF? I forgot to add the coffee beans when I made the coffee! Nothing in the pot but water!!! $%@@(@)#*^#%$% Ha ha!!! MULLIGAN!!!! I get a do-over since its so early!
So I made Starbucks Christmas Blend, in the pantry for the last few years and never opened so its fresh fresh fresh! Tastes just fine since I just ground the beans in the pot before it brewed.
To the jeep I go and head to the gas station, which doesn't carry any. Hmmm the grocery stores (Publix and Ingles) closest to me aren't open this early. Racetrack (other gas station one exit away) probably doesn't carry creamer either. I wonder if Waffle House would sell me some? Then it hit me! Walmart! The beacon to everyone needing items of necessity at all hours of the night! They have to be open right? So I put the jeep in drive and head one exit north towards the mall area, which is more of a boulevard full of strip centers. I drive into the Walmart parking lot and its pretty much deserted, save for a few cars. Are they open? They don't look open. A guy who drove into the lot a minute before me heads to the door and goes in. They ARE open! I grab my keys and my wallet and dart toward the door, beelining towards the milk isle. Immediately upon seeing someone on their cellphone I am reminded of that site Peopleofwalmart.com where people upload photos of people dressed in really bizarre and/ or skanky clothing in the register lines at Walmart and I am reminded of my Eeore pj's, hat and Thai silk silver, yes, silver shoes. Hey they were closest to the garage. At least I have a coat on. I get to the dairy isle and there it is like a beacon from heaven. A super size, two 32oz bottle equivalent, half gallon, expiring in two months, coffee lovers version container of coffee creamer! Mission accomplished I am out of here!
I am on the way home anticipating the cup of coffee waiting for me when I get there, see I pre-planned (anal retentive) and turned on the coffee pot before I left the house anticipating a successful mission! So I get home and have to fidget with the garage door since its raining - the sensor sees the rain and doesn't want to close as it gets confused thinking there is a small child or animal in the way - stupid door. Finally get that over with and come inside. Coffee time!! (insert happy coffee dance of joy here!) So I get my splenda out and I get my newly acquisitioned creamer out of the bag and the muffins I bought as well and oh crap! WTF? I forgot to add the coffee beans when I made the coffee! Nothing in the pot but water!!! $%@@(@)#*^#%$% Ha ha!!! MULLIGAN!!!! I get a do-over since its so early!
So I made Starbucks Christmas Blend, in the pantry for the last few years and never opened so its fresh fresh fresh! Tastes just fine since I just ground the beans in the pot before it brewed.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Boggled By Jimminy!
Crikey, I am boggled. 40 is this year... like 7 1/2 months away... that's too soon. Stop the earth I want to get off. I'm SO not ready. I'm no where yet near ready. This is like getting ready for a big party where the guests are arriving in 20 minutes and you haven't showered yet and are standing naked in your kitchen stirring lumpy gravy for the roast which is still medium rare and everyone likes it well done. This is not good.
I always had plans. I am a planner. An anal-retentive one at that. I always knew what I was going to do, when I was going to do it and how it was to be done. Then life got in the way. Illnesses were had early on, finances suffered to detriment, yadda yadda yadda and *poof* I became an adult learner instead of an MFA at 25 and a PhD at 29 I was an MBA at 39. I never became a Psychologist or a Theologian or a Painter like my Dad. I never became the writer I always wanted to. Sure I still write, but have come to terms that I do it more for me than for anyone else.
I was sidelined as a corporate slave with a world of work and endless business travel instead of pleasure travel. Sure I was fortunate to bank those frequent flyer miles and hotel points for vacations and such but after a layoff, when can you really count on them and what benefit are they? I was able to make a dream happen at 25 when I backpacked the UK for 2 weeks to meet a pen-friend I had written to for 12 years. That was fantastic and I still owe him a trip to visit him at his new home in New Zealand just as he owes me a trip here to the States.
Am I ready to turn 40? Am I ready to say yes I am half way done with everything? Put the rest in a takeaway box for me to take home and finish another day after sitting forgotten in the back of my fridge? Not by a long shot Mister. I still have a wish list and it is ever growing just as I am ever growing. Will my needs tomorrow be the same needs as the ones I have today?Probably not. Will I be the same person tomorrow as I am today? Most definitely not.
Growth is perpetual. Without growth we whither and die and that would most surely suck and since I am not ready to shuffle off the mortal coil I am willing to be dynamic and change and accept change into my life moving forward. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Bring it on big and bring it on now cause 40 is coming fast and she's coming hard so let's get this party started now. After all, the roast beef is already in the oven and the shower is running.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
This year I am thankful for...
This year was a challenge, as all other years before it but in a lot of ways it was a success! Many new things were tried, many new experiences were um, experienced and many things done were deemed doable again! Other things not so much, but that's for another day :)
So let's break down the thankfulness by category for organizational purposes because we cannot organize enough around here!
1. I am thankful I can 'hang' with the 13 year old crowd and understand pop-culture references chatted about in their tongue. There is nothing like a an hour-plus long car ride with Lexxy listening to talk to her friends on her cell about how ambidextrous they are, what kind of hair straightener they have and when it was last used, who is selling the dress Bella wears in New Moon and who looks more like Bella, in New Moon of course. I am thankful I know who Bella is and am thankful it started Lexxy reading. I am however not so thankful for the sex scenes that we will need to discuss when the third and fourth books are cinematized in the next two years... gulp!
2. I am thankful for State Farm. I don't care what Allstate says, you are in good hands with State Farm. After my accident in February they were capital-A Awesome! From our agent to customer no-service, who actually provided service, they rocked it out, putting me in a new vehicle in no-time. RIP my cute little Jaguar XJ8... you will be missed. (insert moment of silence followed by bagpipes here)
3. I am, as I am every year, thankful for seasonal beverages! This year it was Starbucks Peppermint Mocha and Silk's Soy-Nog. The PM was a great addition to my every, single, working morning and it will be missed when it goes away. The Soy-Nog was a nice addition to Christmas and wasn't as heavy and thick as regular eggnog, plus it was like getting a serving of veggies so twice the perks! Health benefits and a good drink, minus the rum brought back from Grand Cayman... yum-o!
4. I am oh ever so thankful for new music to fill my commute and weekends! As many of you know I am an avid listener and music has always been a huge part of my life. I have my old standards in Jazz and classic 80's that I love but new recommendations are always welcome. Here are some I tried and loved this year:
The Rescues
Gloriana
Lady Antebellum
Mary Fahl - former lead singer of October Project
Cat Power
Company of Thieves
The Distants
Johnny Klimek & Reinhold Heil - one song from a soundtrack that is killer
Kate Miller-Heidke
LaRoux - total 80's vibe!
Landon Pigg - Rufus Wainwright vibe
The Lovemakers - just love them!
Lucy Kaplansky
Madeleine Peyroux - Beautiful jazz
Paramore - Good for a rock out in the car
Tal & Acacia
Toby Lightman
30 Seconds To Mars - many albums out and much diverse music to love!
5. I am thankful that I know how to read, translate and adapt recipes to fit the needs of a changing family. With gluten and corn free being the new monicker in the Roberts family, each meal is customized to fit the medical needs of the Monkeygirl. Simple things from a bagel at breakfast to breading on chicken for dinner and what's in the soy sauce we are using. Each takes a second though, which leads me to number 6...
6. I am thankful to The App Store, which introduced me to The Gluten Free App! This makes shopping a breeze! I Cynthia also introduced me to the Gluten Free Alcohol webpage which is nice should I ever want to pry her with liquor on a girls night! ;)
7. I am thankful for specialty food shops such as Harry's, Fresh Market and Whole Foods, oh and can't forget Trader Joe's re: gluten free as well. I also like their meat free sections, but that's just the former vegetarian in me coming back out.
8. I am thankful for my family. It's been a year and a half, almost, since I lost my Dad and the family has gone through a really dramatic shift. I have a new Stepfather, nice guy, I mean he loves my Mom who now lives all the way over in Oregon so, I can't really say anything bad about him... but he's not my Dad. The closest to fit the bill and to come to my rescue when I needed a Dad figure this year was my Father in Law. He stepped up and was just there for me so he wins Jenn's New Dad of The Year Award for 2009! There will be no award issued for 2010 as the 2009 award is an automatic carryover indefinitely or until he resigns from post.
9. I am thankful for my friends old and new, near and far. Some of you have been here for the long haul and some of us have just met. I have a good track record and tend to keep my friends around for some time so hold on baby, this will be a long flight :)
10. I am thankful to QVC for making my holiday shopping a little easier this year. Ok. There. I said it. Yes, I flex-pay! When I got a job after being out of work for a few months money was tight and it was the best way to get my family a little something by paying a little something. I do admit I have a problem in that I consider the In the Kitchen with David segment an actual Show on Sundays that I watch from noon to 2pm Eastern. Yeah, I have issues. Now if I can figure out a way to fanagle that KitchenAid 6.0Qt Pro Stand Mixer... I covet it with passion... in Caviar or Willow Blue please.
My oath to my readers: I promise in 2010 to be better at blogging. I admit in 2009 I floundered with not being sure what to write and it seemed in some ways to be somewhat self serving. This year I will share more of me and ask that you do the same! Let me know what you like and what you don't and the blog will be dynamic in nature! Some of you know you can call me on my cell, the ones who don't now do, heck my cell is listed on Facebook. So feel free to share, sharing is good!
Happy New Year to All~ I will be spending it at the Georgia Dome watching the University of Tennessee Volunteers fight the Virginia Tech Hokies (WTF??) in the Chic-Fil-A (former Peach) Bowl.
10...9...8...7...6...5...
So let's break down the thankfulness by category for organizational purposes because we cannot organize enough around here!
1. I am thankful I can 'hang' with the 13 year old crowd and understand pop-culture references chatted about in their tongue. There is nothing like a an hour-plus long car ride with Lexxy listening to talk to her friends on her cell about how ambidextrous they are, what kind of hair straightener they have and when it was last used, who is selling the dress Bella wears in New Moon and who looks more like Bella, in New Moon of course. I am thankful I know who Bella is and am thankful it started Lexxy reading. I am however not so thankful for the sex scenes that we will need to discuss when the third and fourth books are cinematized in the next two years... gulp!
2. I am thankful for State Farm. I don't care what Allstate says, you are in good hands with State Farm. After my accident in February they were capital-A Awesome! From our agent to customer no-service, who actually provided service, they rocked it out, putting me in a new vehicle in no-time. RIP my cute little Jaguar XJ8... you will be missed. (insert moment of silence followed by bagpipes here)
3. I am, as I am every year, thankful for seasonal beverages! This year it was Starbucks Peppermint Mocha and Silk's Soy-Nog. The PM was a great addition to my every, single, working morning and it will be missed when it goes away. The Soy-Nog was a nice addition to Christmas and wasn't as heavy and thick as regular eggnog, plus it was like getting a serving of veggies so twice the perks! Health benefits and a good drink, minus the rum brought back from Grand Cayman... yum-o!
4. I am oh ever so thankful for new music to fill my commute and weekends! As many of you know I am an avid listener and music has always been a huge part of my life. I have my old standards in Jazz and classic 80's that I love but new recommendations are always welcome. Here are some I tried and loved this year:
The Rescues
Gloriana
Lady Antebellum
Mary Fahl - former lead singer of October Project
Cat Power
Company of Thieves
The Distants
Johnny Klimek & Reinhold Heil - one song from a soundtrack that is killer
Kate Miller-Heidke
LaRoux - total 80's vibe!
Landon Pigg - Rufus Wainwright vibe
The Lovemakers - just love them!
Lucy Kaplansky
Madeleine Peyroux - Beautiful jazz
Paramore - Good for a rock out in the car
Tal & Acacia
Toby Lightman
30 Seconds To Mars - many albums out and much diverse music to love!
5. I am thankful that I know how to read, translate and adapt recipes to fit the needs of a changing family. With gluten and corn free being the new monicker in the Roberts family, each meal is customized to fit the medical needs of the Monkeygirl. Simple things from a bagel at breakfast to breading on chicken for dinner and what's in the soy sauce we are using. Each takes a second though, which leads me to number 6...
6. I am thankful to The App Store, which introduced me to The Gluten Free App! This makes shopping a breeze! I Cynthia also introduced me to the Gluten Free Alcohol webpage which is nice should I ever want to pry her with liquor on a girls night! ;)
7. I am thankful for specialty food shops such as Harry's, Fresh Market and Whole Foods, oh and can't forget Trader Joe's re: gluten free as well. I also like their meat free sections, but that's just the former vegetarian in me coming back out.
8. I am thankful for my family. It's been a year and a half, almost, since I lost my Dad and the family has gone through a really dramatic shift. I have a new Stepfather, nice guy, I mean he loves my Mom who now lives all the way over in Oregon so, I can't really say anything bad about him... but he's not my Dad. The closest to fit the bill and to come to my rescue when I needed a Dad figure this year was my Father in Law. He stepped up and was just there for me so he wins Jenn's New Dad of The Year Award for 2009! There will be no award issued for 2010 as the 2009 award is an automatic carryover indefinitely or until he resigns from post.
9. I am thankful for my friends old and new, near and far. Some of you have been here for the long haul and some of us have just met. I have a good track record and tend to keep my friends around for some time so hold on baby, this will be a long flight :)
10. I am thankful to QVC for making my holiday shopping a little easier this year. Ok. There. I said it. Yes, I flex-pay! When I got a job after being out of work for a few months money was tight and it was the best way to get my family a little something by paying a little something. I do admit I have a problem in that I consider the In the Kitchen with David segment an actual Show on Sundays that I watch from noon to 2pm Eastern. Yeah, I have issues. Now if I can figure out a way to fanagle that KitchenAid 6.0Qt Pro Stand Mixer... I covet it with passion... in Caviar or Willow Blue please.
My oath to my readers: I promise in 2010 to be better at blogging. I admit in 2009 I floundered with not being sure what to write and it seemed in some ways to be somewhat self serving. This year I will share more of me and ask that you do the same! Let me know what you like and what you don't and the blog will be dynamic in nature! Some of you know you can call me on my cell, the ones who don't now do, heck my cell is listed on Facebook. So feel free to share, sharing is good!
Happy New Year to All~ I will be spending it at the Georgia Dome watching the University of Tennessee Volunteers fight the Virginia Tech Hokies (WTF??) in the Chic-Fil-A (former Peach) Bowl.
10...9...8...7...6...5...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Merry Christmas Dad...
So many people this time of year send newsletters out to their family and friends and I thought I would write one to just one person, my Dad.
Dear Dad,
This is your second year away from us and we miss you each and every day, especially at the holidays. It seems like every since you went away the family has kind of gone its separate ways, with Mom in one corner of the country and me in another. We still talk all the time and visit when we can but there is always an empty spot where you should be. A lot has happened over the last year and in case you missed any of it watching down on us I figured I would give you the cliff notes version.
Your favorite dog Milo is now into high fashion and wears sweaters. He was always cold and ever since Christy came to visit a year ago October and we got him a sweater he has been addicted to them! He now has a collection and even Mom is sending him new ones, including snazzy ones for the holidays! Even hoodies! Although he doesn't like the hoodies very much and gets really pissy when his ears are covered. It's really funny. He spends most of his spare time when he's not bossing the bigger dogs around sitting on me or Adam or Lexxy and sleeping. We still call him Stinky and he still sleeps on my head at night.
It was a hard year this year Dad where I was unemployed for a while but we got through it. I learned what I need to live by and what's truly important. I feel lucky to have found a new job so quickly while others in the country are still looking after being unemployed for months and even years at this point. I will make it through, I always do :)
We didn't really travel anywhere or have any good stories to tell of adventure but I do have wonderful stories to tell of reconnections with old friends near and far with whom I am blessed to have back in my life after many years absense. You know the old saying about new friends being silver and old friends being gold, well these friends are definitely 100% pure and remind me of what true friendships and acceptance are all about.
This year I turn the big 4-0 Dad... ugh! The clock is ticking and I feel under pressure to finish things I have on my list of ambitions. Things I should have completed in my twenties. I guess we always have time, but as we all know, you never know when your chances will suddenly run out and I don't want to leave anything unfinished in this lifetime when I leave it so many years from now, G-d willing.
Mom is happy and healthy and living a quiet life out in Oregon. She and Tom seem to love being retired together and do a heck of a lot of gardening. He is teaching her how to play golf and occasionally she cuts his hair. She hopes to get to Atlanta for a visit in January, depending on the weather and such. Tom is a nice man. He loves her and that's what's important. Personally, he's not you and he never will be but I am learning to accept him as her spouse, slowly but surely. You will always be my Dad though, that will never change.
For Christmas my one wish would be to have a great dream where you and I would have a good sit down conversation face to face. I could live off of that for months :)
I miss you Dad and wish I could just ring you up. Merry Christmas Dad. I love you
Dear Dad,
This is your second year away from us and we miss you each and every day, especially at the holidays. It seems like every since you went away the family has kind of gone its separate ways, with Mom in one corner of the country and me in another. We still talk all the time and visit when we can but there is always an empty spot where you should be. A lot has happened over the last year and in case you missed any of it watching down on us I figured I would give you the cliff notes version.
Your favorite dog Milo is now into high fashion and wears sweaters. He was always cold and ever since Christy came to visit a year ago October and we got him a sweater he has been addicted to them! He now has a collection and even Mom is sending him new ones, including snazzy ones for the holidays! Even hoodies! Although he doesn't like the hoodies very much and gets really pissy when his ears are covered. It's really funny. He spends most of his spare time when he's not bossing the bigger dogs around sitting on me or Adam or Lexxy and sleeping. We still call him Stinky and he still sleeps on my head at night.
It was a hard year this year Dad where I was unemployed for a while but we got through it. I learned what I need to live by and what's truly important. I feel lucky to have found a new job so quickly while others in the country are still looking after being unemployed for months and even years at this point. I will make it through, I always do :)
We didn't really travel anywhere or have any good stories to tell of adventure but I do have wonderful stories to tell of reconnections with old friends near and far with whom I am blessed to have back in my life after many years absense. You know the old saying about new friends being silver and old friends being gold, well these friends are definitely 100% pure and remind me of what true friendships and acceptance are all about.
This year I turn the big 4-0 Dad... ugh! The clock is ticking and I feel under pressure to finish things I have on my list of ambitions. Things I should have completed in my twenties. I guess we always have time, but as we all know, you never know when your chances will suddenly run out and I don't want to leave anything unfinished in this lifetime when I leave it so many years from now, G-d willing.
Mom is happy and healthy and living a quiet life out in Oregon. She and Tom seem to love being retired together and do a heck of a lot of gardening. He is teaching her how to play golf and occasionally she cuts his hair. She hopes to get to Atlanta for a visit in January, depending on the weather and such. Tom is a nice man. He loves her and that's what's important. Personally, he's not you and he never will be but I am learning to accept him as her spouse, slowly but surely. You will always be my Dad though, that will never change.
For Christmas my one wish would be to have a great dream where you and I would have a good sit down conversation face to face. I could live off of that for months :)
I miss you Dad and wish I could just ring you up. Merry Christmas Dad. I love you
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